The first time I thought I might be  pregnant I found myself crying in the shower to the unfair treatment of George Michael in his song "Last Christmas."  Never before had the lyrics hit me so hard, and I spent at least 10 minutes thinking about what a shit Christmas day he must have had. … Continue reading Lines


It was around 4 days after being discharged from hospital, without my new-born baby, that I decided that running up and down the stairs might help make things better. It's funny how my mind desperately found a way to cope and the many different things I tried to control, when in reality I had no … Continue reading Coping


I'm under no illusion that my fears are "normal" Looking a doctor dead in the eye and telling them that your baby is laughing at peculiar times when there is nothing funny to laugh at is not a "normal" maternal response to a laughing baby. Most people would film it, but I'd had bad experiences … Continue reading Gut


I have stared at the ceiling's of rooms all over the world. I have counted the ripples on the ceiling rose in Barcelona, held my breath for 5,10,15 seconds in Copenhagen, I have written lists in Madrid and contorted my body into various shapes Reykjavik all in the hope of being able to fall asleep. … Continue reading Dot


I'm handed a leaflet. The first line reads "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder." I'm told I could be experiencing this and that this leaflet might help. I'm assuming that by this they mean I can tear the leaflet into tiny pieces and swallow it and it will help alleviate this feeling that there is a grenade … Continue reading Forget